Let’s look at some words in our sexual vocabulary that we should define, change, or eliminate altogether. Lay people aren’t the only ones to use these unhelpful words. They’re also used by doctors, journalists, and therapists. Together, they add up to a narrative of sex as problematic, even dangerous.
Change or eliminate these words, and you’ll make your sexual communication clearer–and your sex more enjoyable.
A recent report says that when men & women have sex together, the men are more likely to climax than the women.
It bemoans this as The Orgasm Gap. But that’s the wrong way to measure people’s sexual experience.
For example, we could focus on…
Americans enjoy more sexual freedom than ever, with major cultural changes in just the last 20 years.
But we still need more options for expressing our sexuality, with less interference both from well-meaning conservatives and well-meaning progressives.
Each group would dictate what we can say and what we can do–and both are unacceptable.
In every generation there are sexual things that people are not supposed to discuss or even see.
Some sexual words and images that used to be taboo are now considered valuable.
Today, the new taboos are sexual questions we can’t ask. Why?
Many of my patients feel powerless around sexuality.
In fact, psychological risk-taking is one of the greatest gifts sex has to offer.
Most of the judgements that we fear from others (“she’ll think I’m a pervert”) we actually fear from ourselves. Most of our fear about “failing” sexually is a response to arbitrary standards that we could actually break with impunity. And limiting sex to what’s “dignified” or “manly” or “feminist” or “anti-racist”…
Every week, people tell me exactly how they make sex way too complicated, and therefore difficult or impossible to enjoy. Here are some ways they do that.
I wish I could just say “Stop making sex more complicated than necessary…”