‘sexual desire’

Freeing Ourselves From Valentine’s Day

I don’t expect to have sex on Valentine’s Day. Neither should you. It’s OK if it happens, of course; I just don’t expect it. My patients have shown me over and over that expectations like that create problems. It’s even worse when you don’t tell your partner what you’re assuming. But say you’re like many people. You look forward to sex on Valentines Day, or your birthday, anniversary, weekend away, or the day that the kids are with their uncle. You buy a bottle of champagne, or frilly underwear, or flavored condoms. Maybe you drop a few hints. Maybe your…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Florida Criminalizes Arts & Crafts

Remember playing with photos and scissors as a young teen? You’d make collages: your scrawny face on a caveman’s body, your friend’s body with the head of a dog, you and a movie star on a beach in Hawaii. Silly adolescent stuff, harmless. Now what about putting your head on a movie star’s nude body? Or your neighbor kid’s face on your body? Still harmless, right? When does this kind of stuff become illegal? John Stelmack of Lakeland, FL found out the hard way. He allegedly cut out a Xerox copy of a girl’s head, taped it to a printout…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Tiger’s Sex “Scandal” is About…Sex

OK, it turns out the guy slept with a few other women besides his wife. My first question about revelations like this (other than the way they frequently undo hypocritical conservative lawmakers) is always “who cares?” My second question is, “with non-politicians, why does the public feel it has a right to know?” I’ve never heard a good answer to this, but today, my local sports columnist Mark Purdy gave the silliest, most disingenuous answer I’ve ever heard: because it possibly affected Tiger’s game. Yeah, right—it has nothing to do with America’s insatiable appetite for excuses to leer about sex.…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Giving Thanks For Sex

While always accurate, Sexual Intelligence is nevertheless often critical, snide, and cranky. In a world full of sexual ignorance, bizarre impulses, and fear-based, wacky public policy, we roll our digital eyes here a lot. This Thanksgiving holiday let’s take a break. Today let’s give thanks for some of what’s wonderful in the world of sex. * Sex toys Sex toys are humanity’s answer to the question “just how long can someone move their hand in the same direction at the same speed without getting bored or injured?” Marshall McLuhan would be proud: just as the telephone is an extension of…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

Gay Priests? No, Confused Priests

Social scientists at New York’s John Jay College of Criminal Justice have been researching the causes of the Catholic Church’s modern tradition of priests sexualizing boys. In releasing their initial findings, researchers said they can not attribute it to gay priests or seminaries for teenagers. “We do not have data to support those assertions,” said Karen Terry, lead researcher for the $2 million study commissioned by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. She believes that the priests had sex primarily with boys mainly because they had access to boys. “Even though there was sexual abuse of many boys, that doesn’t…

Continue Reading
0 Comments

A Couple Quits Therapy; What Is “Normal” Desire?

A couple I’d seen in sex therapy for a month quit last night. I can’t say I blame them. And I admit I was a bit relieved. They’re in their late forties, attractive and youngish. Here’s what I learned about them in four sessions: * She doesn’t like the way he touches her * He feels criticized by her every single day * She almost never has orgasms * He feels pressured to get erections quickly, and to make her climax from intercourse * She doesn’t believe he finds her attractive, although he insists he does * He feels he…

Continue Reading
0 Comments