What I Want For The Holidays

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Late December is the time for receiving gifts, isn’t it? So in addition to World Peace and the loss of twenty pounds before New Year’s Eve, here are some other things I’d like for the holidays.

As a loyal reader, you get to share any of the following presents that I do receive.

* Better sexuality training for therapists

It’s still possible to become a licensed marriage counselor without hearing the words clitoris or fantasy in your training. Sadly, learning about sexuality often means learning to ask patients if they’ve been molested, or how to recognize the signs of “sex addiction.”

Some states now require a “diversity” component in graduate programs. So students learn stereotypes about people of color, trans people, and other minorities, but they don’t learn about the real sexual diversity in every population—such as preferences for BDSM, styles of masturbation, the widespread use of pornography, and how chronic pain affects sex.

For a bonus gift, I’d love if would-be therapists were required to learn how to empathize with people whose (consenting) sexual practices they find distasteful.

* More porn literacy

Now that broadband internet has brought 24/7 porn into everyone’s home (and most offices), it would be nice if everyone would commit to knowing and believing a few basic facts:

~ Porn doesn’t destroy healthy sexual relationships;
~ Porn doesn’t damage the brains of consumers;
~ Porn is almost entirely non-violent—because that’s what most consumers want;
~ Porn features very, very few victims of trafficking—because young women are lined up around the block begging for a chance to make porn videos.

For a bonus gift, I’d appreciate if every parent would sit down each of their kids who uses a smartphone and explain the difference between real sex and whatever porn they watch—even when each kid swears they don’t watch any.

* More fact-based school sex education

Oh, I’ve been asking for this gift for years—no, for decades. And although it’s acquired more sponsors, the REAL Act still languishes in Congress, where it will probably never see the light of day. Its central legislative point: to require that all sex education in America be medically accurate. Wow, talk about controversial—requiring accuracy in schools.

As a bonus gift, I’d love for schools to require training for anyone who teaches sex education. And no, neither the Old nor New Testament qualifies as a training manual.

* More news coverage of the decrease in sexual violence

Of course, one rape is too many.

But according to the FBI, the Centers for Disease Control, and local police departments, the rate of sexual violence has been dropping steadily for 20 years.

Yes, we all know that rape is under-reported—only a portion of rapes, attempted rapes, and domestic violence are reported. However, no one suggests the under-reporting is increasing; if anything, a higher percentage of these crimes and attempted crimes are reported today than ever before.

Why doesn’t the media report the good news about the decline in sexual violence? Why doesn’t the media describe the dramatically flawed methodology that led to the bizarre “1 in 5 college women are raped” (a statistic that no other study has ever been able to duplicate)? Why don’t the media discuss the varying definitions of rape and sexual violence that different activists and government bureaucrats are using that defy logic and lead to unnecessary fear?

As a bonus gift, I’d appreciate a government webpage with simple data on sexual assault that is posted in every American high school and college campus—showing that it is less common than some people claim, but more common than acceptable in a civilized country.

* More vasectomies

Vasectomy is the modern miracle that keeps giving, year after year. It costs very little, is simple and pain-free (of course, the gentleman is sore for a few days afterwards), and has no effect on sexual function. It solves the she-doesn’t-want-hormones-&-he-hates-condoms dilemma, although why most people could solve this with an IUD or diaphragm.

As a bonus gift, I’d sure like more people to realize that sex doesn’t have to include penis-in-vagina intercourse every time—which would reduce the urgency of the birth control discussion just a little bit.

Another bonus gift I’d love is for the Catholic Church to grow up and reclassify vasectomy as no longer a Mortal Sin—although I already enjoy the fact that the Church doesn’t require men with vasectomies to reverse them.


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