Changing the Way People, Politics & the Media Look at Sex

‘gender’

Nine Things I Wish Everyone Knew About Sex

by on ·Sex Therapist's Couch, Sexual Intelligence Blog

People pay a lot of money to go to sex therapy. And people spend a lot of time reading self-help books, blogs, and magazine articles, not to mention watching YouTube videos. It’s all to find out one or more of the following about sexuality: * If they’re normal * If their partner is normal * How to get their body to do what they want it to * How to get their partner’s body to do what they want it to * What their partner wants in bed * How to tell their partner what they want in bed *…

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(Not-So) Random Thoughts About Sex

by on ·Sex & Culture, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Each of these thoughts deserves a post of its own, but after a day of special foods, special company, and hours of Masterpiece Theatre (about Henry VIII), a few words about each feels just right. * Real sex doesn’t feel like porn looks. It’s usually less intense, less gravity-defying, less taboo-breaking, and more about the people trying to connect. Therefore real sex often has a lot of kissing, hugging, and, well, non-“sex” in it. And because it isn’t scripted or edited, real sex often has moments of frustration, awkwardness, disappointment, clumsiness, and misunderstanding. It’s best to laugh together at these…

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Why Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner Matters to Straight People

by on ·Sex & Culture, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Alfred Kinsey said it best in 1948: the world is not so easily divided into sheeps and goats. In his ground-breaking surveys of Americans’ sex lives, Kinsey discovered that many “straight” people were not entirely straight. This finding has been confirmed many times by subsequent studies of both men and women. Back then, you were either 100% hetero-erotic in behavior, fantasy, and curiosity, or you were “queer,” a bucket of miscellaneous identities at the edge of the world. But Kinsey realized that sexual orientation isn’t that simple. And so he devised the Kinsey Scale, on which sexual orientation is not…

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Should Prison Inmates Have the Right to Masturbate?

by on ·Sexual Health, Sexual Intelligence Blog

I was interviewed about this on Public Radio yesterday. Since it’s a subject I hadn’t given a lot of thought, I prepared by reading up on it just a bit. And I was shocked. It’s actually against the law to touch yourself sexually—in private—if you’re in jail. Sounds barbaric, doesn’t it? OK, you’re behind bars, your body is no longer your own. But if you’re not allowed to masturbate, neither is your soul. Worse, if there’s any disagreement about whether you’ve done it, you automatically lose the argument. There are many cases in which guards either misinterpret prisoner activity and…

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World Contraception Day Comes and Goes

by on ·Sexual Health, Sexual Intelligence Blog

Today was World Contraception Day. Sponsored by organizations from most parts of the globe, its goal is straightforward: to create a world in which every pregnancy is wanted. So simple. So life-affirming and life-enhancing. Such a dramatic, proven program for reducing poverty and domestic violence. Who could be against such a thing? Unfortunately, way too many people: * Religious adherents who think their god is against it; * People who don’t want women to have more power in their relationships, families, and lives; * People who see children as a source of family labor or national wealth; * People so…

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Deep In the Valley: Going to a Porn Shoot

by on ·Pornography & Porn Addiction, Sexual Intelligence Blog

I’ve been on movie sets and I’ve been on network TV, but in all these years I’d never watched a porn film being made. So last week while I was in L.A., I finally accepted an invitation. After lunch I drove out to the San Fernando Valley, parked in a neighborhood of modest homes and small warehouses, and walked into the studio of Brash Films. I spent about two hours there, watching and occasionally chatting. Everyone involved made me feel welcome. The most interesting thing I have to say about it all is—nothing. But maybe not for the reasons you…

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