• Home
  • About
    • Overview
    • Media Kit – Videos
    • Media – Photography
  • Social Media
    • YouTube
    • X
    • Instagram
  • Therapy
    • About Therapy
    • Online Therapy
    • Case Consult Group
    • Good Faith Estimate Notice
  • Training Webinars
    • Webinars
  • Speaking
    • Overview
    • Upcoming Appearances
    • Recent Appearances
    • Sexuality & Other Presentations
    • Rave Reviews
  • Blog
    • Sexual Intelligence ®
    • Travel Blog
  • Books & Downloads
    • Audios
    • Books
    • Videos
    • Webinars
    • Shop
  • Q & A
  • Contact
    • Contact Dr. Klein
    • Subscribe to Newsletter
Changing the Way People, Politics & the Media Look at Sex

Comprehensive Review of Sexual Medicine, Vancouver

by Dr. Marty Klein on December 14, 2011·Sexual Intelligence Blog

The evaluations of your plenary session were extremely positive. We plan to invite you again next year.

Posted in Sexual Intelligence Blog

Tagged Rave Reviews

Bookmark the Permalink

0 Comments
← Previous Post
The Prostate Centre, British Columbia, Canada
in “Sexual Intelligence Blog”
Next Post →
California Lutheran College
in “Sexual Intelligence Blog”
written by

Dr. Marty Klein

More Good Reading

Nine Absolutely Untrue Myths About Porn—And One Fact We Can All Agree On

by Dr. Marty Klein in “Pornography & Porn Addiction, Sexual Intelligence Blog”

Seminar: Santa Clara, CA

by Dr. Marty Klein in “Sex Therapist's Couch, Sexual Intelligence Blog”

Damaging Justice to Make a Point About Rape

by Dr. Marty Klein in “Sex & Politics, Sexual Intelligence Blog”

How the “Porn Addiction” Movement Disrespects Women

by Dr. Marty Klein in “Pornography & Porn Addiction, Sexual Intelligence Blog”

Search

Latest Video

Subscribe to Blog

Receive notifications upon new posts.
Loading

doctormartyklein

S€x Therapist/Couples Therapist
Author of 7 books 📚
Forensic Expert: S€xual Behavior, P0rn, Fantasy, Paraphilias, Obscenity.
International Lecturer

There are plenty of good reasons to want sex: plea There are plenty of good reasons to want sex: pleasure, connection, reassurance, feeling competent, enjoying your body, giving someone else a treat, feeling naughty, getting pregnant. 
 Sometimes we want sex for several reasons. And reasons change from one encounter to another.
 If two people want to have sex for reasons that are compatible, there's a good chance they can enjoy sex together. But if their reasons are incompatible--say, one person wants to feel naughty, while the other person wants warmth and reassurance--creating sex that both enjoy could be difficult. 
 The upshot: (1) Be honest with yourself about what you want; (2) Talk with your partner about what you each want; (3) Realize that realistically, sex may not be the best choice for two people at a particular time.

#therapythoughts
#doctormartyklein
#drmartyklein
#sextherapy
#sexeducation
Robots haven’t replaced us yet, but we look more l Robots haven’t replaced us yet, but we look more like machines than ever: hours and hours sitting, days and days of looking at screens, with an occasional 30 minutes in an Uber.
 Sex happens in our bodies, so for better (or more) sex, reclaim your body! Any sort of movement helps: walking, yoga, sports, the gym, sex itself. All the sitting, staring, and scrolling has put your body to sleep; for better sex, it needs to wake up.
 The best kind of moving will take you outside—where trees will stimulate your eyes, birds (and cars) will awaken your ears, and sunshine will enliven your skin.
 Important note: do NOT bring your phone with you!
Accusing someone of being part of a problematic ca Accusing someone of being part of a problematic category (homophobic, fascist, etc.) is never helpful. No one ever says, "Yes, you're right;" in fact, people almost always deny it, and they feel resentful, too.

If, however, we talk about ourselves--"here's how I feel when you say or do that (unimportant, lonely, scared, etc.)"--we may actually touch someone. While they may say, "I don't understand," they can't say "No, you don't feel that way." And if someone cares about you, they may actually ask why you feel hurt when that wasn't their intention.

That's one way to improve communication and reduce conflict. 

#conflictmanagement
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
#communicationskills
#therapythoughts
When someone believes you're going to do something When someone believes you're going to do something, they generally don't care why you failed to do so. They often feel manipulated or disrespected. And telling them "It's not that big a deal" doesn't help. It's not about the thing you didn't do; it's about the broken commitment.

People often agree to do things they don't want to, attempting to avoid the conflict that would follow if they said "no, I don't want to do that." It's way better to have that conflict (as equals), rather than the disappointment and accusations that follow a broken commitment.
#conflictavoidance
#couplestherapy
#doctormartyklein
#drmartyklien
#brokenagreements
Sometimes we have a vision of another person's pot Sometimes we have a vision of another person's potential: they could be and do SO much! They could overcome their current pain or obstacle! They're so much better than they believe!
 Loving someone who doesn't believe enough in themselves is painful, isn't it? You can tell that person they're loved, you can share your vision with them, but...if they don't believe in themselves, your love won't be enough to change that. 
 Yes, that's sad. But ultimately, you have to accept that someone has a limited picture of themselves. If you don't, you'll end up resenting each other.
#relationshipthoughts
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
#healthyrelationships
#resilience
There are plenty of good reasons to want sex: plea There are plenty of good reasons to want sex: pleasure, connection, reassurance, feeling competent, enjoying your body, giving someone else a treat, feeling naughty, getting pregnant. 
 Sometimes we want sex for several reasons. And reasons change from one encounter to another.
 If two people want to have sex for reasons that are compatible, there's a good chance they can enjoy sex together. But if their reasons are incompatible--say, one person wants to feel naughty, while the other person wants warmth and reassurance--creating sex that both enjoy could be difficult. 
 The upshot: (1) Be honest with yourself about what you want; (2) Talk with your partner about what you each want; (3) Realize that realistically, sex may not be the best choice for two people at a particular time.

#therapythoughts
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
#sextherapy
#couplestherapy
I was in Philadelphia this week, speaking at the F I was in Philadelphia this week, speaking at the First Amendment Lawyers Association. 

They are a courageous, brilliant, funny group of attorneys who argue cases involving our rights to express ourselves, consume whatever media we want, be free from government surveillance, and to use the internet as we choose. Periodically, I’m an expert witness in cases involving sexual behavior or sexual fantasy.

I presented “Attorneys & Mental Health”—crucial for a bunch of professionals who spend their lives fighting unreasonable, arbitrary state and federal restrictions on our freedom to express ourselves and make our own choices. #mentalhealthcare #attorneysmentalhealth #drmartyklein #doctormartyklein #professionalmentalhealth
Keeping track of wounds is a good way to keep pain Keeping track of wounds is a good way to keep pain alive. That's rarely a good idea.
 And keeping track of wounds so you can recite them to a partner or friend whenever you're hurt or angry is an even worse idea.
 If you feel wounded by someone's behavior or words, tell them--in a way that they can hear. Then figure out what you two want to do about it. The goal is to be done with the pain: you fix a misunderstanding, your partner promises to change a behavior, or you make a new agreement (or clarify an existing agreement) about what you can each expect.
 Anything less means that your pain will accumulate over time. And that's no good for anyone.
#hurtmuseum
#lettinggo
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
#therapythoughts
This has been true since at least the 1970s--assum This has been true since at least the 1970s--assuming that lots of other people have more sex, more sexual variety, and more satisfaction than you do. 
 If--IF--other people have more and better sex than you, why might that be true? Would it be because other people have sexier bodies, or sexier partners, or special techniques, or less aggravating early experiences? No, if other people enjoy sex more than you, these are generally not the reasons.
 In reality, what do any of us--what do YOU--need emotionally to enjoy sex more?
#sextherapist
#sexeducation
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
#therapythoughts
If you think of yourself as damaged or unattractiv If you think of yourself as damaged or unattractive, why would you want someone to get to know you better? Why expose even more of your ugliness that they haven't seen yet? Why risk their judgement, even abandonment?
 Besides, if you care for someone, and you think you're not worth much, you'd want better for them than you can offer.
 All of which means that if you want to improve your relationships, make sure you value yourself.
#valuablerelationships
#lovingourselves 
#therapythoughts
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
When young children are expected to caretake their When young children are expected to caretake their parents emotionally or physically, they always fail--because they're young children. 
 They fail to prevent mom from drinking, or to prevent dad from gambling. They fail to heal a parent's depression or anxiety. They fail to sufficiently replace a dead sibling, who only gets more beloved over time. They fail to be a successful enough kid to persuade an immature parent that they're a good parent. 
 Adults who lived such a failure-laden childhood are a significant part of my therapy practice. Convincing these adults that they're good enough, that they loved their parents enough, and that they couldn't possibly have rescued an emotionally wounded parent is slow, difficult work. 
 Sometimes therapy actually heals this adult, who emerges like an excited bird from a cage--flying into a world of possibility.

#lifespanpsychology
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
#emotionalpain
#therapythoughts
It's easy to be offended--and very satisfying. The It's easy to be offended--and very satisfying. The outrage, the moral superiority, the confidence of being right--it's absolutely energizing.
 And it takes no thought whatsoever. More importantly, it takes no curiosity. It rejects dialogue, the idea that we can learn from engaging in disagreement with someone.
 That's the sophisticated alternative to being offended--disagreeing, and exposing one's thoughts to the marketplace of ideas. Are you up to the challenge?

#freespeech
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
#offended
#therapythoughts
These are the main sources of friction in intimate These are the main sources of friction in intimate relationships.

Put another way, these are the main sources of connection and mutual validation in intimate relationships.

Put another way, these are the areas in which most couples need common values, goals, and perspectives. While all couples have some disagreement and conflict, the lack of shared values in these critical areas almost always predict serious relationship problems and regret.

Yes, it can be hard to discuss these domains seriously. The alternative is often even worse.
#relationshipgoals
#couplesgoals
#couplestherapist
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
Intimacy requires that we pay attention to the per Intimacy requires that we pay attention to the person we’re with, suspending our judgements. And that we bring our authentic self, suspending our self-judgements, and trusting that we’ll be accepted. 

Intimacy is the opposite of seeing the world in categories. We make the effort to see the other person (and ourselves) as unique in the world–not, say, as an Italian, or a Mid-Westerner, a Berkeley grad, a slut, a dentist, a divorcee, or a man. 

Intimacy requires self-discipline–prioritizing self-to-self connection, rather than performance or evaluation. 
. 
These are all different descriptions of “being present.” 
#beingpresent 
#intimacychallenge
#couplestherapy
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
We all miss people, places, and activities that we We all miss people, places, and activities that we enjoyed at one time–and don’t wish to revisit. 

There’s nothing wrong with a sense of melancholy or nostalgia about them. But those feelings shouldn’t drive our decision-making. 

Most things that aren’t good for us aren’t 100% bad. That makes it dangerous to focus only on the enjoyable side of things that are impulsive, toxic, or don’t fit our current values or goals.

So missing something and wanting something are actually two different things. We can participate in the first without the second.
#relationshipbreakup
#relationship101
#relationshiptherapist
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
Every week, I deal with people complaining that th Every week, I deal with people complaining that their partner hardly every initiates sex. Once that becomes the focus of a couple’s sex life, that person usually becomes even less interest in sex.

If you partner says “yes” most of the time that you initiate, accept your fate (and the sex). If your partner says “no” most of the time that you initiate, decide if you want to stay or go. Then either stay or go.

Some people have trouble feeling loved or attractive if their partner rarely initiates sex–even if they enjoy sex regularly. The solution is to grow emotionally, finding other ways of feeling loved or attractive–not to demand that your partner change.
#intimacy 
#relationshipgoals
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
“Desire” is a shorthand reference to a range of ci “Desire” is a shorthand reference to a range of circumstances and feelings.

How good does your body feel? How many distractions are you dealing with? What’s the state of the relationship? Can you postpone other demands on your time? What was the most recent sexual experience like? How physically attracted are you? How are you feeling about the other person? How horny are you?

While we each have a baseline level of typical desire–some of us higher, some of us lower–dozens of factors raise and lower this level.

What affects YOUR desire?

#desire
#desireacrossthelifespan
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
#desirevsarousal
Looking at your phone when someone is speaking con Looking at your phone when someone is speaking conveys a simple and powerful message: “I’m not giving you my full attention.”

Do you really think that doesn’t matter?

When you speak with me, there might be something more interesting somewhere else. But ignoring it–being unaware of it–is the price you have to pay to engage with me. 

If you don’t want to pay that price, you can’t have whatever you hoped to get from engaging with me–including me feeling special or cared about.
#couplestherapy
#activelistening
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
Every quarrel should have a goal: What misundersta Every quarrel should have a goal: What misunderstanding do we need to clear up? What do you need to know about what exactly I want and don’t want? Why do you feel hurt when I didn’t intend to hurt you? 

Most importantly: what will each of us do differently next time?

Talking about feeling angry or hurt, with someone who wants to support you or understand you better, can be a valuable, life-affirming experience.

Quarreling just because you’re angry or hurt, without trying to accomplish anything, is a waste of time. 
#perspectivetaking
#arguingcouples
#relationshiptherapy
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
Let’s think about maximizing freedom of speech for Let’s think about maximizing freedom of speech for those we disagree with. That will guarantee our own rights more effectively.
#freedomofspeech
#violenceprevention
#drmartyklein
#doctormartyklein
Follow on Instagram

Increase Your Sexual Intelligence

Receive my monthly newsletter. We NEVER share your info.

Select list(s) to subscribe to

Schedule an Appointment

I see men, women, & couples from Silicon Valley and across the San Francisco Bay Area for sexual and non-sexual issues in my Palo Alto office each week. I'm two blocks from CalTrain, and 5 minutes from Stanford.

I have a great deal of experience working with people from India & China, and have worked and travelled extensively throughout Asia and Europe.

To discuss scheduling, just call me at 650-856-6533.

See All

Featured Book

Sexual Intelligence

Most people develop their model of sexuality when they have the body of a young, healthy person—which nobody has very long. Thus, we all need a different model of sexuality if we want to desire and enjoy sex throughout our lives. This book provides that model—by enhancing your Sexual Intelligence.

Learn More

Browse by Topic

  • All
  • Making Sex Better
  • Pornography & Porn Addiction
  • Sex & Culture
  • Sex & Politics
  • Sex & Religion
  • Sex Addiction
  • Sex Around the World
  • Sex Therapist’s Couch
  • Sexual Health

Latest Blog Entries

  • What Therapy Gets Wrong About Infidelity
  • Gloria Steinem: Flawed, But a Hero
  • Does Sex Still Matter?
  • Sex Questions I Usually Don’t Answer
  • National Orgasm Day Today!
© Dr. Marty Klein. All Rights Reserved.