‘fantasy’

Still Not Free in the U.S.—Your Sexual Fantasies

On this most un-free COVID-stained July 4th, I want to caution you about another important way in which we are not free: regarding our sexual fantasies.

You are NOT free to fantasize about sex that is illegal. If you do, and you’re caught, you will have to prove you do not actually want to do those things. This is almost impossible. In fact, in my experience as an expert witness in courtrooms across America, I’ve rarely seen anyone do it successfully.

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Fantasy vs. Desire—You Know the Difference, Right?

There’s a new book out about sexual fantasy and it’s half wonderful.

Social psychologist Justin Lehmiller has recently completed the largest American study of people’s sexual fantasies, interviewing over 4,000 respondents. He discusses the results in his lively new book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You.

To summarize: humans are a sexually diverse group, with an enormously wide range of sexual fantasies. And those fantasies are generally not polite, or wholesome, or respectful of boundaries—which is actually the point of sexual fantasy.

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Anal Toy Freakout

Bob and Anne have been married for 10 years, more or less happily.

Last month she found an anal toy in the back of her husband’s sock drawer and freaked out. She then went through his website searches and found he’d been look at transgender porn. She freaked out more. She also found that he had searched a few sites looking for “grannies in Toronto,” which is where they live.

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