Sexual Desire: Therapy’s Dirty Little Secret

Sexual desire.

Therapists don’t understand enough about it. We know a little about what diminishes desire, even less about what enhances it.

Oh, we know one thing about how desire works in relationships: for many people, you treat them poorly and they want sex less. But with a lot of people, you treat them well and they don’t want sex more.

And someone whose sexual desire is simply turned off? We don’t know much about how to turn it on.

Good therapists know how to fix certain aspects of desire…

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Desire for What?

Every January I look back over the previous year’s cases. And while some issues come and go, one thing is consistent year after year: I always see a lot of couples in conflict about each other’s sexual desire.

People are more than “high desire” or “low desire,” but they–and professionals–tend to use these categories, even though they can complicate things.

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