Words express ideas, so words are important. Editing the words of our activist heroes so they fit better with today’s political correctness is dishonest. And words like “transphobic” can be used to attack allies & well-meaning people; they educate no one, persuade no one, and may demand an ideological purity that blocks the progress of social justice.
Regardless of sexual orientation, identity, preferences, or experience, your sexuality follows certain principles–what I call Sex Laws of the Universe.
Involving desire, power, emotions, orgasm, and more, these laws…
Sexual desire.
Therapists don’t understand enough about it. We know a little about what diminishes desire, even less about what enhances it.
Oh, we know one thing about how desire works in relationships: for many people, you treat them poorly and they want sex less. But with a lot of people, you treat them well and they don’t want sex more.
And someone whose sexual desire is simply turned off? We don’t know much about how to turn it on.
Good therapists know how to fix certain aspects of desire…
Want to enjoy sex more, or rev up your desire?
Instead of new positions, or toys, techniques, or a new kink, identify and stop doing things that undermine your sexuality–like these.
Is anxiety increasing or decreasing your desire? Do you have enough contraception on hand? And with kids in the house, who’s having sex anyway?
Here are some thoughts about sexual aspects of our lives in a time of pandemic.
Every January I look back over the previous year’s cases. And while some issues come and go, one thing is consistent year after year: I always see a lot of couples in conflict about each other’s sexual desire.
People are more than “high desire” or “low desire,” but they–and professionals–tend to use these categories, even though they can complicate things.