When infidelity is the subject, a range of therapy approaches can be helpful—there’s no one right way to treat it.
But there are definitely WRONG ways—common approaches used by many therapists that can actually prevent healing, or even make the problem worse.
Here are the WORST common treatment approaches to infidelity.
Every week I ask patients lots and lots of questions. Sometimes I get a straight answer. Often, someone will dance around an issue, or avoid the question by answering a different one.
When patients ask me a question, though, I either give them a direct answer–or I challenge the question itself.
Here are examples of questions that I generally don’t answer directly–because I’m challenging the assumptions…
Approaching the anniversary of our country’s freedom, what’s the state of our own sexual freedom?
There are many external restrictions on our erotic expression such as the criminalization of abortion, attempts to eliminate adult pornography, and the censorship of both school and adult libraries.
But there are many internal restrictions we place on our own sexual expression–and these prevent us from using the sexual rights that we do have.
You might be surprised, maybe even shocked, to find out how often a man comes into my office and asks, “In sex, how are you supposed to get excited if you’re not watching porn?”
Many of GenZ’s young men have a troubled relationship to sex.
Porn is not the problem.
However, HOW young men consume and digest porn is a big problem.
Most people are able to watch films like Star Wars, The Hurt Locker, Mad Max, and Harry Potter without thinking that they’re instructional—manuals on how to drive, fly, fight, or conjure.
But somehow, today’s young men think porn is a library of documentaries…
Many couples argue about porn–but the conflict isn’t really about porn. It’s typically about sexual dissatisfaction–how much they do it, whether they both enjoy, whether they feel close during and after.
These are important issues. And eliminating porn from one partner’s life won’t address any of them.
What’s needed instead is…